Relationship Compatibility-Determining Compatibility in the Early Stages of Dating
The beginning three phases of interacting with potential dating partners include deciding who to approach, approaching her and igniting some initial attraction. These are usually pretty doable for most people, even those who might be confident only on a superficial level. Most men and women can handle these first stages well, since pretty much anyone can put up a self-confident façade regardless of how confident they actually feel.
It is when you get to that critical fourth stage that things begin to get a bit tricky In Realizing Relationship Compatibility.
This fourth state is where you take that mutual initial attraction you have drummed up and move it to the next level, and this is where things get more difficult. Part of the reason for this is because this is the stage where you actually start dating and it becomes essentially impossible to keep up your façade of confidence and continue to hide your insecurities. This is when the real you is going to start to show through, which will inevitably include mistakes, saying stupid stuff and not necessarily putting your best foot forward every step along the way.
During this stage, things can change rapidly and people often get their feelings hurt. For example, this is when the girl you have just started dating might stop texting or calling you. Or perhaps you ask her out again and she rejects you. Or maybe the two of you sleep together for the first time and she seems to become a totally different woman afterward. These are all common occurrences during this stage of dating, since this is when relationship compatibility is determined and each person’s real personality comes to light.
You need to position yourself as the chooser at this point in order for you to become more sexually confident. You shouldn’t be worried about whether or not the girl you are dating is into you; instead, you should be checking with yourself to make sure that you are enjoying what’s going on and that the relationship is working out for you. If you aren’t enjoying it or it isn’t really working out for you,there is no relationship compatibility and it’s time to end it and move on.
I know this sounds a little harsh to some people, but those of us in the know understand that there is more than one potential mate for each of us, which means there is no reason for any of us to waste our time trying to build relationships with people we don’t really find fulfilling, exciting or attractive. We don’t need to settle for someone we aren’t excited about, because we aren’t afraid that someone better might never come along.
Men who find themselves failing over and over again in these first stages of dating are doing so because they don’t understand the finer points of the purpose of dating and how it works. You do not sign up for some automatic life commitment after your first date – or your first several dates. The point of dating at all is getting to know each other and figuring out if the two of you are compatible as a couple. This is when you two are supposed to be feeling each other out as potential partners and just enjoying spending time together as you see where the relationship is going to go – or if it is going to go anywhere at all.
It is also important to remember that if you go on a date or two with someone, and then she suddenly stops returning your phone calls, texts or emails – or if she turns you down when you ask her out again – then she is giving you valuable, useful information. When this happens, it does not mean that you are a bad guy or that you are not attractive. This just means that you aren’t compatible for whatever reason. If she happens to notice this first, that’s okay. Either way, this lets you stop putting effort into this particular situation and frees up your time to allow both of you to move on and start looking for your next potential partners.
This is also another reason why you need to keep in mind that getting the girl to like you is not your primary goal in this stage of dating. Your goal is to simply be yourself and see how things go as the two of you determine whether or not you might be a good fit for each other. Pay attention to how you feel around her, since this provides important clues about just how compatible you may or may not be. You will know that you’re on the right track if you enjoy hanging out with her, you feel like she supports you whether or not you are at your best, she cares about things that are important to you and you feel like you are spending time with your best friend when you are around her.
You should ask yourself these questions in order to help determine whether or not the woman you are dating has your type of relationship compatibility
1. When you are with her, do you feel like you need to behave differently or act like someone you are not?
2. Do you enjoy being around her and feel at ease when you are with her?
3. When you are around her, do you feel good about yourself?
4. When you aren’t around her, do you feel better (or as good) about yourself?
It is critically important that you always remember that the right girl for you is not going to ask you to change who you are and is not going to make you feel like you need to change in order for her to like you. Happy couples are not composed of two people who are exactly alike. The two of you need to be able to disagree without it significantly affecting the relationship or making one of you like the other less. Also, you both must be able to partake in separate interests and activities, as well as things you partake in together.
Remember, too, that one of the best indicators of compatibility is simply whether or not you enjoy spending time with one another and continue to do so.
It is also important to note that asking a girl out should not be some dramatic thing. The best way to do it is to pick an activity beforehand, and then simply ask her if she is interested in joining you. For example, instead of putting her on the spot by asking a general question about whether or not she wants to go out with you again, you can ask something along the lines of, “Hey, I’m planning on hitting up that new club downtown to catch a local band on Saturday. Would you like to join me?”
This lets her know that you’re already planning on taking part in the activity, and she will not feel pressured or put on the spot. After you have put the invite out there, the ball is in her court, and it’s her move. You are not going to wait by the phone, text her repeatedly or freak out if you don’t hear right back from her. And even if she ends up turning you down, remember that you still need to hit up that club or do whatever it is you told her you were going to be doing.
So put the invitation out there, and then wait for her response. If she’s into you, she will contact you and wont’ let anything stop her. If she is not, she will do things like come up with all the reasons why she couldn’t get in touch with you. If this is what happens, see these excuses for what they are and recognize that it’s time for you to move on.
No one can help who they are attracted to and who they aren’t, which means you shouldn’t get upset if she turns you down along the path of relationship compatibility or just isn’t that into you. There are plenty of other options out there, and it’s time to move on and start some more exploring if this particular one doesn’t work out as you had hoped.